Here is another life story giving insight into why I named my blog Spoiled Milks. Names below have been changed to protect the guilty. Any similarities to historic personas are pure imagination. (Read Part 1 here).
On August 13th, 2011, sometime around 2am after Toby’s party (I used to think this had been a Christmas party because . . . what’s the difference, really? Toby’s a present to all of us) at a house where the owners (at least) will remain unnamed, I was hungry and wanted cereal. I asked Toby if the unnamed owners had cereal, and he replied with a, “Yeah, sure. I think so. Go take a look.”
Jordan and I stole some looks for cookies, and we happened upon some gingerbread cookies that were simply amazing. I ate three. Then two more. Then I found the Rice Krispies. Then I ate two more cookies. After we poured the Krispies into our bowl, I returned to the living room and told Tori how utterly delicious the gingerbread cookies, the ones that were really small and soft, were.
Me: “Tori, those gingerbread cookies, the ones that are really small and soft, are utterly delicious.”
Tori: “Yeah, they’re really good…” (or something).
Me: “Oh, that’s weird . . . they make my cereal taste like . . . Tuna Helper.”
Tori: “ … that’s disgusting” (or something).
I kept eating the cereal because it was still good once I got past the Tuna-Helping taste (and I like Tuna Helper, but not as cereal. At least if it had been called “Tuna Krispies” I would have known what I was getting myself into).
Jordan comes in and says, “Hey, Spencer, is the milk expired?” Now, there is never anything strange about that question. I’m sure Jordan just doesn’t want his Rice Kripsies to taste like Fruit Loops. It’s a precaution.
Me: “No. My tongue’s not tingling. I’m sure it’s fine. Just don’t eat those cookies before you eat the cereal. Makes it taste like Tuna Helper.”
Jordan: “Oh, because the milk says it’s from July 24th.”
Me: ” . . . what? Well . . . I’ve already eaten this much.”
Scooping up more cereal while dodging the milk I kept eating, but poured it all out two bites later. Afterwards we figured out that the milk was exactly 3 weeks past it’s sell by date, which was a new record for me, at least for milk already opened. There was another time where a group of friends duped me into drinking a small bottle of Borden’s chocolate milk that was two months past due. And it burned.
And I took two more cookies, the ones that were really small and soft.